The second part of our Funny Grammar Guide blog on punctuation is largely concerned with apostrophes and the many different ways in which writers use them to make mistakes! The uses of the apostrophe in English grammar are really quite simple and clear-cut, so let us clear things up for you with these simple rules…

Apostrophes ARE for Abbreviation

The first use of the apostrophe in English grammar is to indicate abbreviation. This means that when we combine two words into one shorter word, or simply turn a longer word into a shorter version, we use an apostrophe to show where the missing letters have been removed from.

For example: in the word ‘doesn’t’, the apostrophe shows where the missing ‘o’ would go.

One common example of the use of the apostrophe for abbreviation is in the word ‘you’re’, meaning ‘you are’. Unfortunately this tattoo enthusiast has not only omitted the apostrophe, but also misspelled the word, with lasting consequences!

Apostrophes can also be used when writing abbreviated speech, to show where a particular dialect or accent causes the speaker to miss out parts of words, or sandwich two words together. Again, the apostrophe shows where the missing part of the word should go.

For example: “Come over ‘ere”, shouted the policeman.

When apostrophes are used in this way they help a reader to hear the phonetic sound the speaker makes but at the same time to understand where the words have been altered, which makes comprehension easier.

As you can see from this promotional McDonald’s cup, advertisers often use apostrophes in this way to suggest ‘cool’ abbreviated speech. Grammatically however, an apostrophe is required to show where each omission of letters has taken place, so the company is inadvertently implying that their drinks are either ‘good in cold’, ‘good an cold’, or ‘good on cold’!

Apostrophes ARE for Ownership

The other use of apostrophes in English grammar is to show ownership. We use an apostrophe after the name of the owner, followed by the letter ‘s’, to indicate that something belongs to them.

For example: that is Sophie’s hammer. I think she bought it from George’s shop.

So hapless Harry has managed to use an apostrophe correctly to indicate that he is the owner of his shop, but sadly became rather over-zealous in liberally sprinkling the same punctuation mark throughout the rest of his sign with less grammatical success!

Apostrophes ARE NOT for Plurals!!

Time and time again, writers make the mistake of adding an apostrophe before the s at the end of a plural word. This is NEVER GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT! Just don’t do it!
This is one of the most common punctuation errors in the English language, as these many examples show!

Commas

Commas are among the simplest punctuation marks, but because they can be used in several different ways, they still cause confusion for many writers. The first and simplest use of a comma is to separate different clauses or parts of a sentence. By far the easiest way to work out where a comma should go is to read the sentence aloud. Wherever you would naturally pause while reading, you should insert a comma in the sentence. This is because when we read a sentence aloud, we naturally use pauses to imply where there is a separation between different ideas.

The famous example of this is in the difference between these two sentences:

“Let’s eat, Grandpa”. And: “let’s eat Grandpa!”

So this grocery store owner has been rather over-zealous with the use of commas in the freezer aisle, as the words ‘ice’ and ‘cold’ are intended to be connected and therefore should not be separated by a comma.

Commas are also used to separate items in a list.

For example: I bought bread, eggs, milk, honey and tea.

TOP GRAMMAR TIPRemember that when using commas in this way, it is not necessary to include a comma before the word ‘and’.

Finally, don’t make the same mistake as this toy shop owner – never use commas for abbreviations; you need an apostrophe for that!

Speech Marks

Speech marks (also sometimes called inverted commas) are most frequently used, as their name suggests, to show that somebody is speaking.

For example: “Children,” called the teacher, “come back inside now.”

However there has recently been a trend for using inverted commas to imply irony or scepticism. (You may even have noticed people sketching speech marks in the air with their fingers whilst talking to imply that they are not convinced by a particular idea or phrase.)

When used in this way, the inverted commas suggest that whilst something has been claimed, or named by somebody else, the person speaking does not entirely believe the claim.

For example: My daughter did not go to school today. She claimed her “blinding headache” meant she couldn’t possibly concentrate on her maths test.

Or: Supernatural fanatics have pointed to the “clear evidence” that there was a full moon last week as proof of werewolf activity.

Unfortunately however, this relatively new use of the punctuation mark is frequently misinterpreted as a means of emphasis, leading to many embarrassing punctuation mistakes, as this unfortunate birthday cake shows. The children in question, whilst trying affectionately to celebrate their father’s birthday, have accidentally suggested that they have doubts about their true paternity!

So remember – speech marks should be used for speech, NOT for emphasis!

Colons and semicolons are some of the most feared, omitted and misused punctuation marks in the history of English grammar! From children who never learn to use them properly, to adults who secretly always omit them because they’re just not sure, nobody ever seems to quite know how to use them, which is which, or what their real role is anyway. But if colons confound you and semicolons leave you stumped, fear not! Help is at hand with the funny grammar guide’s simple, no-nonsense rules to when to use which and when to leave them well alone!

Colons

When we write, we often want to join together two separate sentences to make one longer, complex sentence. One way of doing this is to use a conjunction (a joining word) to bridge the gap. Conjunctions are words like and or but. If NO conjunction is used, then a colon can be used to join the two sentences when the second sentence illustrates or further explains what was said in the first sentence.

For example: I like going to the cinema: horror films are my favourite.

Or: Tom loved marshmallows and toffee: both were sweet and sticky.

As you can see from these somewhat confusing farmyard signs, writers often forget to use the colon to indicate the connection between two sentences, which can result in a complete alteration of meaning!

Another use of the colon is to introduce a list at the end of a sentence.

For example: Mammals have several common characteristics: hair, warm blood and live young.

Although strictly speaking a colon should only introduce a list at the end of a proper sentence, they are occasionally used to introduce lists after a title, which was the effect intended by the maker of this magpie sign. Unfortunately, as you can see, he has chosen the wrong form of punctuation, making an already bizarre sign even stranger!

Colons may also occasionally be used to introduce quotes, usually if the quote is longer than two lines in length. They might also be used to introduce examples, as seen throughout this blog post!

Semicolons

Like a colon, a semicolon may be used in place of a conjunction to join two separate sentences. The difference is that a semicolon should be used when the second sentence does NOT illustrate or explain the first, but is simply a separate or new idea.

For example: Nick ate the popcorn; it tasted delicious.

Note that although the two sentences refer to the same subject and continue the same thought, the second one does not qualify or explain the first – it is simply a new piece of information on the same theme.

TOP GRAMMAR TIP: As these are two separate sentences, they need a semicolon to separate them as a comma would not be sufficient. Using a comma in place of a semicolon is one of the most common mistakes in English grammar, as this unfortunate democrat billboard illustrates!

Unlike a colon, a semicolon may also be used to join two separate sentences if an introductory word like however, therefore or for example is used. These words are sometimes called connectives.

TOP GRAMMAR TIPIn these cases, the semicolon directly precedes the introductory word, which must then be followed by a comma.

For example: I hate sweet things; however, I do enjoy the occasional ice cream.

Another important use of the semicolon is to separate items on a list when the items themselves contain commas.

For example: Our students come from towns and cities as diverse as Los Angeles, California; Boston, Massachusetts and Nashville, Tennessee.

This rather unfortunate church sign is an ideal way to illustrate the difference between the colon and the semicolon. Its meaning is ambiguous because of its lack of punctuation. If a colon was used to separate the two clauses, it would suggest that the church should be allowed to help with the killing, because of the implied explanation or extension of the first sentence by the second! If a semicolon was used however, the two sentences would be considered separate, giving the intended positive message! This is a great example of the power these little punctuation marks have to completely change the meaning of your sentences…use them wisely!

The sight of public signs containing embarrassing mistakes is common enough, but the type of spelling and grammar errors that they display is amazingly varied. From punctuation to spelling mistakes, from grammar slips to the typical human error of just not thinking clearly (like the decorator of this cake – d’oh!) funny signs reveal a real cross-section of the same pitfalls that trap writers in all forms of written English. Here are our top examples of what to look out for and avoid in your own writing!

Compound Words

Compound words are words that are made up of two different words put together, which combine to give a more complex meaning. They include words like semicolon, afterthought and paperwork; on-going, day-to-day and self-service; after all, grass roots and cash flow. As these examples show, the tricky thing about writing compound expressions is that there are three different ways of setting them out – sometimes the two words are joined together completely to make one new word, sometimes they are hyphenated and sometimes they are written as a two-word phrase.

The general rule about compound words is that there is a great deal of flexibility surrounding their usage – it often takes a long time for one ‘correct’ method of writing to become accepted, so several variations are often considered equally acceptable. For example, it is still common to see the word semicolon written as ‘semi-colon’, and neither form would be considered ‘incorrect’.

There are a few sensible guidelines that can help you to spell your compound words correctly however. The first is that expressions that have been used for a long time (like guidelines, in the previous sentence) are usually expressed as compound words, whereas newer expressions, like e-mail, are more likely to be hyphenated.

Secondly, remember that some compound spellings change depending on the meaning of the sentence – look out for expressions like anyone (meaning anybody) or any one (meaning any individual out of a group).

Most importantly of all, avoid the most common mistake made with compound words – to panic and accidentally separate them in the wrong place, so that some of the letters from one word end up attached to the other, as this clothes shop sign demonstrates.

Missing Punctuation

There are many different punctuation errors that can ruin a public sign, but one of the funniest is the omission of punctuation altogether, which can completely alter the meaning of the sign.

People often tend to make the mistake of thinking that because a sign is capitalised or written in bold print, punctuation is not necessary, when in fact it may be very important indeed, as this unfortunate church sign shows!

Remember, if you are expressing two different concepts in one sentence, it is important to separate them with a comma or semicolon to show the distinction between them.

Always proofread it first

Finally perhaps the funniest group of all are the silly signs which don’t actually contain any specific spelling or grammar mistakes but nonetheless still accidentally suggest something they don’t really mean or make an unconscious faux pas. The only way to be sure of preventing these embarrassing mistakes is to use a proofreading service or make sure you yourself take a long hard look at any material before it is sent to the printers!

It’s the simplest rule in the grammar book – apostrophes have two clear functions in the English language – to indicate ownership and to show abbreviation. Yet somehow time and again these cheeky little punctuation marks crop up all over the place where they aren’t needed! Avoid the punctuation faux pas (not to mention spelling atrocities) made by this travel website by remembering these two simple rules.

When we say that something belongs to somebody in English grammar, we often indicate this by using the name or title of the owner, followed by an s. To indicate ownership rather than plurality, this s is preceded by an apostrophe.

For example: This is Laura’s house, those are Nick’s juggling balls.

When the owners are plural, the apostrophe moves to the very end of the word, after the s, to indicate this.

For example: Those are the girls’ necklaces.

Simple!

The other use of the apostrophe in English grammar is to show where letters have been missed out when a single word or two words are abbreviated to form a shortened, often more informal expression.

For example: Don’t forget to take your shoes off; we mustn’t get mud on the floor.

TOP GRAMMAR TIP: There is only ONE exception to the apostrophe rules, and it involves the word ‘it’. This word may be used in English grammar in the abbreviated form of the expression ‘it is’, but may also be used to represent an object capable of ownership. According to traditional apostrophe rules, these two expressions would both be represented by the word ‘it’s’. So for this one exception, we have the rule that with the apostrophe, ‘it’s’ means ‘it is’, whereas without an apostrophe, ‘its’ means belonging to it.

For example: It’s so cold today that the robin has puffed up all its feathers.

Just remember these simple apostrophe rules and you will never have an excuse to accidentally insert an apostrophe in a word that simply ends in s because it is plural (like the writers of this unfortunate road sign).

Your and You’re, There and They’re

Another major problem caused by the humble apostrophe arises from these homophones – words that sound the same but are spelled differently. Mixing up these words often causes rogue apostrophes to creep into written English where they don’t belong, causing grammar mistakes.

So remember: your means belonging to you, whilst you’re is short for you are.

For example: Don’t forget your coat if you’re going for a long walk.

There is always used to indicate place unless it is being used in some form of the expression there is or there are.

For example: There is the ice cream van; can you ask if there are any cornets?

GENERAL TOP TIP: Before choosing to have a deep and meaningful verse tattooed on your arm, for goodness sake use a proofreading service and check the punctuation is correct!!

Comma Splices

One of the most common English grammar mistakes involving commas is the ‘comma splice’. This describes a sentence where the writer tries to use a comma to join two independent clauses, as seen on this billboard advert. The Democrats might care for the poor, but they’re not so hot on their punctuation! The problem arises because commas are not ‘strong’ enough to join independent clauses, as they do not create enough separation between the two separate parts of the sentence.

TOP GRAMMAR TIP:

Remember, if the clauses in your sentence are independent, either use a colon or semicolon to separate them, or add a coordinating conjunction.

Coordinating conjunctions: for, but, nor, and, so, yet, or.

Missing Commas

Commas are used to create a pause, or separation between clauses in a sentence, but they are also used to separate items in a list. Remember, when writing a list, commas should appear in between each individual item, but not before the word ‘and’, which precedes the final item.

For example: Mary bought eggs, cream and milk.

Missing out commas in a list can completely change the meaning of your sentence, as this unfortunate magazine cover demonstrates!

Comma Substitutions

Another very common comma mistake is to insert the comma in place of another punctuation mark, such as an apostrophe or full stop. The sign in this restaurant window presents a whole plethora of grammar mistakes, among them the misuse of the comma instead of a full stop in the price. (Can you spot two other punctuation mistakes, involving quotation marks and an apostrophe?)

Avoid this mistake yourself by remembering that commas are only used to separate different ideas and items in a sentence, never to end a sentence or indicate an abbreviation.

FINAL GRAMMAR NOTE

There are occasional instances in the English language where the comma splice, used for stylistic effect, is acceptable. The famous phrase “I came, I saw, I conquered,” is an example. However, it is advisable to avoid it in your own writing as it is generally frowned upon as a grammatical mistake.

Unlike commas and apostrophes, the rules governing quotation marks are not quite as universally strict, with several variations occurring between the conventions used in different countries and allowances made for authorial preference. New, modern usage of the quotation mark has also usurped this form of punctuation for colloquial purposes quite different from its original role. Perhaps because of this vagueness, quotation marks are one of the biggest causes of punctuation mistakes in English grammar. Follow our simple punctuation rules and make sure you always use quotation marks correctly!

Quotation Marks for Speech

The original and most important role of quotation marks is to indicate speech in a written text. Either single (‘’) or double (“”) quotation marks may be used according to authorial preference, but as a general rule the single style is preferred in the UK and double in the USA.

TOP GRAMMAR TIP! Remember, quotation marks are only used for direct quotes or direct speech, not reported conversations.

For example: “Get dressed,” said Mary.

But: Mary told the boys to get dressed.

Punctuation at the end of Quotation Marks

A very common English grammar query is whether punctuation should go inside or outside the closing quotation marks. As a general rule of thumb it should go inside, unless the punctuation mark ‘belongs’ to the sentence outside the quote.

For example: “Where are you going?”

But: Did you answer her when she asked “where are you going”?

Quotation Marks for Irony

In modern English, the quotation mark has been adopted to convey irony, or a sense of scepticism on the part of the writer about a word or phrase.

For example: The “hotel” turned out to be a mouldy tent, or, she spooned a dollop of “food” onto the prisoner’s plate.

In a similar way, quotation marks may also be used to indicate an unusual usage of a particular word in a context it would not normally fit.

For example: The headmaster “smells” the guilt of the culprits, or, dolphins use sonar to “talk” to one another across hundreds of miles.

Quotation Marks are NOT for Emphasis!

Unfortunately this new use of quotation marks to indicate irony seems to have confused some writers into thinking that they may also be used to emphasise important words or phrases. This mistake is extremely common, as you can see from these real-life grammar mistakes! These authors have erroneously used quotation marks in much the same way as one might use italics or bold text, in an attempt to make a certain word or phrase stand out and catch the attention of the reader.

Unfortunately however, the current trend of using quotation marks to imply irony causes them instead to have almost the opposite effect, conveying to the reader the idea that the writer is sceptically distancing himself from the words in question.

So instead of a sincere hygiene warning, the Japanese hotel sign seems to be poking fun at the very idea of cleanliness! Instead of suggesting a delicious aroma, the sign on the food stall seems to be suggesting something quite different! And instead of selling an attractive product, the shop sign seems to be raising an eyebrow at the very notion that it would ever be possible to buy one’s happiness!

So be careful – don’t use punctuation marks to highlight a word or you may end up changing the meaning of your writing quite dramatically!

Writers seem to struggle so much to remember the correct uses of apostrophes in English grammar that there is an abundance of funny signs and grammar mistakes showing their many errors! Luckily, your trusty Funny Grammar Guide has rounded up the best and most ridiculous of these to illustrate the main apostrophe errors you should avoid in your own writing.

Rule 1: Apostrophes are not for plurals!

Because apostrophes often appear before the letter ‘s’ in English grammar, many hapless writers make the mistake of assuming that an apostrophe is required before the ‘s’ at the end of any plural word. This is not the case! Both this landscaping company and this tapas bar have made this mistake, inserting apostrophes before the ‘s’ at the end of their plurals, but they have committed an embarrassing grammatical faux pas!

Rule 2: Apostrophes are not for verbs!

For similar reasons, another common mistake is to insert an apostrophe before the ‘s’ at the end of a verb, particularly in the third person where verbs most regularly end with that letter. You can see an example of this mistake (amongst others!) in this English tutoring poster. Lucky they weren’t promising to teach students to use punctuation like James Bond…

“So…” I hear you cry, “What are apostrophes used for then?” Well…

Rule 3: Apostrophes are for ownership

Apostrophes are used in English grammar to indicate ownership. To differentiate between the ‘s’ we add to show a plural and the ‘s’ we add to suggest ownership, an apostrophe is added before the latter.

For example: This is Nick’s house, or, I love Rachel’s handbag

It is clear that the owner of this restaurant thought he was obeying this ownership rule when typing up his drinks menu, but unfortunately it does not apply to words like ‘ours’ and ‘yours’, as they do not mean ‘belonging to our’ or ‘belonging to your’.

Rule 4: Apostrophes are for abbreviation

The only other use of the apostrophe in English grammar is to indicate an abbreviation. An apostrophe is inserted to show where letters have been removed.

For example: I didn’t know you couldn’t make it, but don’t worry, I won’t get upset.

We’ve all seen them – those funny signs at a restaurant or on the motorway that make you snigger as you pass them – whether it’s because of a simple typo, a grammar slip or a punctuation mistake. It is quite amazing how frequently companies and businesses compromise their credibility with a sloppily written sign and it could all be avoided if they just remembered one golden rule: always use a proofreading service! Let’s take a look at some of the funniest examples we could find and learn about the grammar rules behind these embarrassing mistakes!

Spelling Mistakes

The most frequent mistake made on funny signs is wrong spellings, as these unfortunate ‘entry’ and ‘reduce speed’ signs demonstrate. Although they can seem pretty funny to passers-by, it is actually very important to avoid making mistakes like these, as they may prevent people from taking heed of important information, like motorway speed limits, if they fail to read the sign correctly as they drive quickly past.

When it is a matter of public safety, it’s never too expensive or time-consuming to make sure you use a professional proofreading service. Proofreaders not only pick up on all spelling, grammar and punctuation mistakes, but also check the overall layout and format of your text, so you may even end up with a better-looking sign. Bonus!

Punctuation Mistakes

Mistakes with apostrophes are by far the most common punctuation mistakes that creep into public signs – as you can see in this one, which should of course read ‘restrooms’ with no apostrophe.

TOP GRAMMAR TIP: Remember, apostrophes are only used in English grammar for abbreviations or to indicate ownership.

For example: It was Ben’s house. (Apostrophe showing ownership.)

Or: There’s a party tomorrow, isn’t there? (Apostrophe showing where two words have been abbreviated into one.)

Phonetic Mistakes

Another, albeit rarer, mistake you might spot on some signs is that of accidentally writing a word phonetically as it sounds, rather than as it should actually be spelled. As you can see from the example of this restaurant sign, the writer has wrongly interpreted the spelling of the word ‘homemade’ based on how it sounds like it might be written, instead of taking the time to check the correct spelling or to simply run the sign quickly by a professional proofreader. That might have saved him some considerable embarrassment, as his simple spelling mistake has cast some rather eyebrow raising aspersions on the soup chef!!

Our recent blog series ‘Always Use a proofreading service’ has brought to light many of the reasons why a professional proofreader is absolutely essential to guarantee flawless, error-free texts. However, it isn’t only everyday writers who fall prey to spelling and grammar mistakes – check out these embarrassing political gaffes and typos!

Politicians need to be extra-vigilant about typos for two reasons – firstly, they risk losing credibility and public confidence if small mistakes are not corrected before going to press, as this suggests a lack of vigilance and attention to detail within their organisation. Secondly, the documents and materials produced by politicians are often important and have a big impact on peoples’ lives – as this news headline indicates; so a small typo can quickly become a very big problem!

Misspellings

As this Republican candidate discovered, small typing errors can lead to letters being printed in the wrong order, creating embarrassing spelling mistakes like the one on this balloon, which should read ‘county’. Unfortunately, when you are a politician, your mistakes are likely to be duplicated across thousands of objects, magnifying your error hugely and bringing it into vivid public awareness! It is likely that a professional proofreading service may have saved them a lot of lost votes on this occasion!

The same problem was encountered by the Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security when this airport sign was ordered. It is particularly ironic and embarrassing that this sign indicates the Secretary’s disapproval of incompetence and inadequate standards! Of course the correct spelling should read ‘determined’.

Punctuation

As McCain discovered during his election race, you are unlikely to win the backing of educated students if you show yourself to be unaware of the simple punctuation rules governing the use of apostrophes! On this promotional pen McCain made the common punctuation mistake of inserting an apostrophe into a word that is in fact a plural, requiring no apostrophe at all.

GRAMMAR TIP: Remember, apostrophes are either used to indicate ownership or to replace letters that have been deleted for a word to be abbreviated.

For example: That is Susan’s pen

Or: Don’t tell me we’re going to the cinema!

Political Protest

If you are going to make a serious political point, it is absolutely essential to ensure that your placards and protest materials are immaculately spelled and punctuated, in order to be taken seriously and respected. Unfortunately that was not the case for these patriotic protesters, who made an embarrassing phonetic spelling mistake when they substituted the word ‘are’ for ‘our’. Remember: always use a proofreading service for political text!